Crossing Fingers

If you're into the whole crossing fingers thing, would you mind?  Got my eye on a pretty little black lab mix that may be in need for a home.  It may be that I'm in need of a furry roommate.  This might the best match to date . . . . . .

Fishing?

Last night I was in visiting my local magician, aka my hairdresser, Susie, and we were catching up.  She does a fantastic job of making me able to pass for being in my 20’s (gray?  What gray?), and gives me time to hear all the local news (ahem.  Gossip.)  In discussing who is dating who, and who isn’t dating who, she asked me who I was dating.  Always a fun subject matter.  So, I told her about my first meet up thanks to Tinder, and how that had played out, and she mentioned that several other clients of hers had decent luck with Plenty of Fish.  Ugh.  Have I mentioned how dating is NOT for the faint of heart?  One thing that I liked about P of F is that you can say what you are there for, and what you’re looking for.  So, why not?  If in fishing you cast out lots of lines, might as well try a different pond, right?  Well.  Let me tell you. 

If fishing was like this in real life, no one would go hungry.  Within a couple of hours of signing up, I had several messages and “likes”.  Some of them, just like in real life, thanks, but no thanks.  If you can’t be bothered to even include one picture, I’m not interested.  But, there were a couple of interesting prospects.  Now, to figure out the time to actually fit in a date . . . . .

I keep saying I’m going to write a book.  Dating is not for the faint of heart.  I just read a really interesting article on CNN today about childless women, and the fact that we aren’t all lonely cat women.  Good grief, but I can relate to that.  In being out and meeting people, I had one message me.  “You’re a pretty girl, you’re easy to talk to, and have a great sense of humor.  Why are you still single?  What’s wrong with you?”  I wanted to respond, nothing, other than I’m picky.  I actually want someone who wants to be a part of my life, and have me be a part of his.  Someone who understands what commitment means.  Someone who has shared interests with me.  I’ve met lots of nice guys.  I’ve met some really great jerks.  I’ve had sparks with some, no sparks with others.  I think I’ve become something of an expert on what to do, what to expect on a first date.  Of course, now that I’ve said that I’m going to get thrown a great curve ball.  But, I think the purpose of dating is to find that person that you want to be with, and I can usually tell within 1-3 dates if that’s even a possibility.  I live in a teeny, tiny town, and that’s located in a small county.  My friends have told me they’ve thought through their “eligible” guy friends and realized that um, no.  Not a good idea.  It’s hard to meet someone, even harder as your “fishing pond” shrinks in size.  Just like that guy asked, “What’s wrong with you?”, there is usually a good reason why guys in my age range are single.  I decided after J and I split up last year that I was going to make sure that I was the happiest I could be with just being me.  I keep hearing people say “Oh, you’ll find someone”, but the reality is, I may not.  And, I am done with waiting to meet him.  One of the advantages to no longer having a dog at home is that I can come and go just as I please.  I have had FUN, with getting out, and seeing the world right here at home.  I’ve lost 50 pounds since last July, and it’s amazing how much bigger the world is as I’ve gotten smaller.  I owe a lot of my exploring time to my friend Laurel, who is teaching me that the outside is a great place to be.  Minus, of course, the ticks, and the snakes, and the spiders . . . . I’m still enough of a girly girl that those freak me out!  I live in a beautiful part of the world, and I’m going to spend this summer exploring every nook and cranny of it. 

I haven’t written in a long, LONG, time.  Been busy, been tired, pick an excuse.  Dad used to tell me that if you’re looking for an excuse, one is just as good as another.

The past year has been sent finding, and settling, me.  The guy I was dating and I broke up in September.  I had thought that I was going to be spending the rest of my life with him, but ultimately, we couldn’t reach a compromise.  I didn’t want to move unless he was willing to commit to me (engagement, wedding date), and he didn’t want to make that commitment until I was willing to move.  Catch 22 much?  We broke up, and a week later he was “in a relationship” a week later.  Gotta love Facebook, right?  In the next few weeks, I took off to visit one of my best friends in Seattle.  I call him Seattle, since the first time he called and it said “Seattle calling”.  While there, my beloved furry delight, Britney, died.  She had not been doing well over the week prior to my leaving, and even the night before, I laid there and stroked her and said my goodbyes.  Best case scenario I would be taking her to the vet when I came back.  I’ve questioned my leaving her many times, but ultimately, it worked out the very best that it could.  My friend Andi and I trade animal care, and she called me Wed. morning to let me know that Britney was really bad.  In turn, I called Karey, since she said her son was getting out of school early, to get him to take her to the vet.  By the time A. could get to my house, Britney had died.  Karey, who on a good day is a force to be reckoned with, left work, and between Austin, Ronnie, and herself, took my puppy to her vet and arranged to have her cremated.  Austin and Ronnie cleaned my house for me.  There was nothing for me to deal with.  Karey even tracked down Seattle and had him on his way home  before she even called me.  As he pointed out – I am not one to ask for help.  This way, not only did I not have to deal with the aftermath of my puppy passing away, but I was able to appreciate the amazing and giving friends that I have.  When I got back on Sunday, Carolyn even offered to meet me at the house so I didn’t have to go in alone. 

When I did see Karey again a few days later, she already had picked Britney up for me, and her son and husband had made a beautiful cedar box for her.  Again, not a single detail left for me to deal with or to handle.  Friends.  They’re the family that we get to pick for ourselves. 

I didn’t start out to write about any of that, but obviously, I needed to .  Maybe I need to put some more time and thought into this whole writing thing.

Wonder Gal, I don’t know who you are, but thank you for your comments.  They were the kick in the back side that I needed.  :D

Fire and EMS Bullet

It’s been AGES since I wrote on here.  And, I’ve actually started another blog, so if you are actually reading this one, comment and I’ll let you know where the new one is.  But, I had thoughts for today, and I really wanted to share them. 

In the most recent Advocate (a local monthly “news” paper), there’s an article about “The Fire and Rescue Bullet”.  It talks about the things working against volunteers: Competition for free time, aging population, increased training requirements, employers not letting employees off to answer calls, greater expectations from citizens, and of course, money.  There are other problems with answering calls as well.  The biggest one for me?  The BS calls.  I’m sorry, but when someone calls 911 morning after morning after morning, for the same complaint, you know what?  I’m going to stay right here and eat my lucky charms, thank you very much.  How about the person who complained that their “Lungs were full of air” and wanted to go to the ER?   Unfortunately, you want to go to the ER?  We cannot refuse to take you.  People also complain about how long it takes an ambulance to get there.  My answer?  First, is your house easy to locate?  Let’s start with a house number, that is CLEARLY visible from the road.  I had a family member berate us for driving up and down past his house.  “But the number is there!”  “Yes sir, and it’s black letters on a flat black mailbox.  We can’t see that in the middle of the night.”  Second, when you choose to have the house that has an AMAZING view and no one around for miles . . .  that also includes an ambulance. 

In this same article, it brings up statistics.  Yes, my squad has missed a LOT of calls.  And the article talks about how there are other departments that have no calls missed.  But, there are lots of details missing, not just hard and fast numbers.  For instance.  Was the call missed because we were already on another call?  WHO was the call for?  Several of our “missed” calls were for another agency that we were second due on.  And, before we could answer that call for that first due agency, they got a truck on the road so we weren’t needed.  Yes, the Fire Department might have 100% of calls answered, but if they only have 15 calls for the month . . . . . whoo hoo!  We usually have 60-90 calls a month.  I’d like to see what happens to those other departments numbers when they start having that kind of volume. 

The reality is, we need daytime help.  We need paid staff to be at our buildings, to answer the calls, while the volunteers are working.  Even now, we struggle in the evenings.  I’m one of the “lucky”? ones, in that I don’t have a spouse, kids, and responsibilities at home, and I’m available to answer more than the average person.  The top 2 call answering associates?  Retired.  #3?  The Captain. 

 

There are agencies where drama is an issue.  Mine isn’t one of those.  While we’ve had our differences with the Fire Department, the reality is, those people have been there for me when I need them.  I might laugh and joke about big dumb firefighters running into a burning building, but the reality is, there isn’t anyone else I’d want, or trust, to have my back in an emergency.  When push comes to shove, we work to get the job done.  When the call goes off for a person unresponsive, or an injured child, you bet your backside that we will drop anything and everything to get the call answered.  I’m not going to apologize for not doing the same thing for the person with the stubbed toe. 

 

I’d love to see more people volunteer.  Even if you don’t want to get into the nitty gritty, blood and puke that can accompany a call, there is ALWAYS something to do.  There’s trash to be put out, ambulances to be washed, buildings to be straightened.  And, for the record?  In 10 years, I can count on both hands the number of times I’ve dealt with really really gross/ewwww calls.  It’s not what the television series makes it out to be.  Daddy used to tell me, when you get down on yourself, do something for someone else.  Volunteering with the squad has been the most rewarding opportunity of my life.  I wish more people would sign up for those same rewards. 

Stuff

Wow. This week has . . . rocked me emotionally. I thought my life was going one way, and while I admittedly wasn't headed there quickly, it's where I thought I was going. Suddenly, I find myself at a dead end. And, even writing this is making me feel all weepy again, so, instead, let me tell you about the adventure I had last week.

While driving into work, I saw a small dark spot scurry out from under my feet, and up under my dash. Fortunately, I'm not the kind of girl to COMPLETELY freak out, so instead, I called work and informed them that I would be late. I had to purchase mouse traps! I placed out several different kinds, humane, and quick kill, along with D Con. I'm sorry, but mice do serious damage to cars! I saw the little bugger on my way home, and the next day. He ate nearly a whole box of the D Con! Finally, on Thursday, I saw that he had worked himself into the commercial trap from work, and was sitting there wiggling his nose at me while he was on the glue trap!!! I've never felt so horrible. If he hadn't eaten so much poison, I would have certainly tried to free him. He was actually a cute little guy, when he wasn't running around my feet! Still, it was an adventure. Maybe later this week I'll post about my critter filled year last year.

I'm struggling with how much to share on here. I feel like I want to write, I want to talk about everything that's in my head, but I don't know of the right place to put it. There are some that I really want to hear what I have to say, and others that . . . I don't want to share. I don't want to seem weak, or needy, or overly emotional, or not emotional enough, and . . . I get so tired of editing my thoughts, what I say. These filters are getting harder and harder to maintain. I was told, "You're so drama free." Well, for the most part. But, there are times I wish I could just let loose and say what I have to say. I've been emailing those things to myself and dumping them in a folder, but it's just not the same.

Suggestions?

10 Years and more.

I'm not going to write about 9/11. That almost seems cliche. I am, however, going to talk about where I was 10 years ago. I was getting ready to watch my best friend, marry the man of her dreams (or so she thought). She was supposed to get married on 09/15, which she did. The marriage didn't quite last a year, but that's another story. When the news of the events of 9/11 started filtering in, the first thing I thought of was Msh. I was still too broke, and not quite the gadget girl that I am today, for a cell phone. I tried and tried to get in touch with her, finally reaching her early afternoon. As soon as she answered, and realized it was me, she burst into tears. "I planned for everything to go wrong except this!" How do you plan for something like that? She had been evacuated from her building in D.C. at gunpoint and snarling dog, as the various forces tried to get people to safety.

After lots of deep breaths, scampering around, routing a bridesmaid from one airport to another, and jumping through the various hoops, the wedding did happen. And the thing that I didn't realize then, that I'm just realizing now, is that was the first day that I knew that life goes on. As it does today. It's hard to keep things in perspective, what with getting a bad mystery shop, and people being so unhappy with me, but there are bigger and more important things in life. I'm grateful for a friendship like the one I have with Msh. We have gone from whispering in dorm rooms into the middle of the night to figuring out that if we want to have a conversation without interruption, sometimes the best time is 745 in the morning. Relationships take work, trust, hope, and love, and I'm grateful to have a friend that I can go through all of that with.

PS - I should mention that while the second wedding didn't have quite the "Who's Who" and flair of the first, the second one got her the man who adores her, and the beautiful Savannah. Msh, ya done good. :)