Part Deux

So, the next morning, woke up, thinking, "Wow, I need to get my oil changed before we head back to school." Then, "Oh my heck - I'm thinking about my oil being changed, rather than THAT." We went to Church, and I lasted through the main service before I was out of there. I couldn't take, not for another second, all the "oh poor Sheri" looks I felt like I was getting. I knew if one more person that I barely knew tried to hug me, I'd probably lose it. So Msh and I headed home. That's when the food started to roll in. What is it with people bringing food? But, I have to say, the things I remember liking the most? Canned drinks, paper products, and the AMAZING deli meat tray. Msh ran interference as people came in . . . since she REALLY didn't know anyone, she'd introduce them, and then smoothly pass it off to me. Girl was GOOD. Monday was spent running errands, placing an obituary, and calling people/answering the phone. And, I was amazed at the things people asked. One lady: Is there a viewing? Me: No, we didn't feel like that was what we wanted. Her: Oh, was he messed up really bad and so you can't? Uh, no, lady, I just think that's rather morbid!!! And, I had to laugh when the paper called to verify that he really was dead . . . they said that people place fake obits all the time!!

You know, I don't remember much about the service, except for a few things. One woman from my old work came, Bobby came, and Josh came. J., esp, I was amazed when he showed up. And, when I said that, he told me, "Baby girl, of course I was going to be here."

The service was a fog, and while I'm sure I went to the cemetery, I don't remember that at all either. Not a single detail. Was it sunny? Cloudy? Isn't it funny how we block those things out?

I became involved in EMS because I didn't ever want anyone else to wonder like I did. What if someone better, had gotten there faster? (The answer: Wouldn't have mattered) I remember getting a card from the State Trooper and being amazed that he would take the time to do that.

This is scattered. It doesn't do justice to what I wanted to write. About 3 years ago, I went to NC with Msh for a meeting she had. I took her car and went to the cemetery. Once there, I did something I hadn't done over the year: I simply cried. I got mad, I got sad, I laughed, and I just sat, until there was no more crying to do.

I didn't realize until this year, the 10 year anniversary, how cathartic that had been. And now, I'm being done with it and I'm going to go back to posting about funny things, trivial things, and that sort.

Kind of like the GI-NORMOUS deer that just scared the daylights out of me and my puppy. But, that'll be for another day . . .

10 years

1a is probably not the time to write this and do justice to it, but it's on my mind.

See, 10 years ago, yesterday, my younger brother, and only sibling, was killed in a car accident. His name is/was Brad. How weird is that? If I talk about him like he's still alive, people think I'm nuts. The thing is, he is. I mean, someday I'll see him again, right? So how do I refer to him? Ugh. Anyway, let me recap what I remember.

That week was horrible for both me and Msh. In fact, on *that* day, I remember telling Msh that I didn't see how it could get worse. Yeah. Never say that. Anyway, for whatever reason, even though I had a car, Msh took me to work. I was working for the big Wally World, and had only been there about 3 weeks. I had been on the register for just a bit, when they came and got me and said I was needed in the manager's office. "Wow. What did I screw up this time?" I got there, and they told me I had a phone call. I know there were two people in there, but for the life of me, I can't remember who it was. Anyway, Dad was on the other line. "Hey, kiddo. We need to have a family conference." My first thought was, "What has Brad done now?" He then, "I need you to come home." Uh, yeah, no. School, work, life, I don't have time for NC now. "Get your things, come home. Bring church clothes." This was starting to worry me. "What happened?" "Just come home." And, the statement that cinched BAD for me. "Bring Michelle." He wouldn't tell me any more than that. When I hung up, I was starting to cry, and I asked the other girl, "Who is it?" At first she didn't want to tell me, but then she said, "It's your brother." And you know the absolute worse part? I was relieved. Wow. That was really hard to just type. Then, immediate guilt for thinking that. I tried to dial Msh, but my hands were shaking too hard. I remember one of the managers telling me that no matter what I needed, find a Wal Mart and they would take care of me - food, gas, whatever. The 5 hours home, was the longest drive I think I've ever taken. I knew, that whatever was on the other side was bad, but Msh and I joked, laughed, tried to talk about anything and everything other than the "what". I mean, it was my senior year of college - there was a lot going on! When we got to the house, every. single. light. was on. Every light. Closet, halls, you name it. Mom later told me that she kept going around trying to turn off lights, but Dad told her he wanted me to know that they were home. I think it was 10, or later. Anyway, Msh went into the other room while M&D and I talked. They then proceeded to tell me th at he had been killed in a car accident the night before. I reacted as you might think, and then, "I don't have any pantyhose for church!" Isn't it crazy what you think of? Anyway, off to Wal Mart it was. While there, Dad offered to buy Msh and I Dr Pepper. This was a big deal for me - and made me realize that things had just been knocked crazy - my parents have always been very anti-caffeine. Anyway, it was home, and then an attempt to sleep. I told Msh - I wonder how long it'll be before this isn't the first and last thing I think about.

Wow. This could be a long post, and a long story, and I'm going to apologize for it now - but I want to go through it - I want to write it down. So, for those of you who are more into happy, feel good, funny stories, maybe check back in a few days? Otherwise, more tomorrow. And, for my LDS friends/readers, it gets GREAT. I promise.

Product Awareness

One of the things about myself that drives me crazy, is that I love trying new products. I mean really. Can I not just be happy with something? But, I'm convinced that the NEXT one will make my house spotless, my hair impossibly shiny, or my dog to have minty fresh breath. Occasionally, I manage to find such a product. I'm still completely in love with my Venus razor, only use Hellman's Mayonaise, and I adore Cover Girl's LashBlast mascara. I found a new one last night.

Dear Herbal Hessences,
You're cheesy commercials drive me NUTS. But I have to give you this. Your products smell amazing. The only problem, is that in the past, that's all they've done . . . smell good. But, with you're new one, you've hit it out of the ball park. Tousle Me Gently is the most wonderful stuff! It takes my just-past-wavy-not-quite-curly hair, and makes it non-frizzy, and hold it's shape through a whole day of running my hands through it. And after a night of sleep? Doesn't stick up everywhere! Finally. One that was blog-worthy!

Now, on another note. While playing last night, it was mentioned to me that "Send Me An Angel", yes, the cheesy 80's song, had been re-made. I You-Tubed it, and promptly visited Itunes. It's a rocked out version of the song, and it's fantastic. During the same download session, I picked up a couple of Jon Schmidt songs. Do you like piano music? This guy is amazing! I once linked to his Love Story Meets Vida la Vida, and I love his other stuff. Still, it's odd to go from an Alternative Rock song to a smooth piano piece. I guess that's just how it is, right?

2 more days . . . then I'm off for 3! I'm in my month of working no more than 4 days a week at the main job . . . vacation fell in just a way, along with other federal holidays. Wish me luck as I suffer through . . .

So There's This Guy . . .

Isn't that how the best stories from me start out?

Anyway, there was this guy, let's call him Mr X. He was good looking, and in the 5 minutes I interacted with him, seemed personable enough. He ended up with my number, and we talked - a lot. I mean, a couple of times a day. After a week or so of conversation, he stated, "I know you don't talk to other guys, right?" Uh, right at this exact second? Nope. Red flag #1.

He was coming into town, and wanted to get together for dinner. I told him I'd see what my schedule looked like. Short end of the story, I couldn't/wouldn't make it work. My "insides" were telling me "eh, buyer beware". At first he was ok with it, but he laid a couple of guilt trips on me. Not so cool. Red flag #2.

He came in again a couple of weekends later, and was NOT happy to find that I was busy. Hey, between 3 jobs, volunteering, blah blah blah, what a shocker, right? He asked me to come to his hotel room . . . at 2am. Ok, lots of things I am, foolish, eh, not so much. So I declined.

I've tried to be really nice about being "unavailable", but it occured to me, you know what? Maybe you just need to tell him. So, I tried, in a text. Hey, I'm getting with the 21st century thing, and if he can badger me in texting, well . . . . Anyway. That, didn't work so well. So rather than text back and forth, I called him. "Look, I have a lot of stuff going on. A lot of baggage I'm working through, and quite frankly, I don't have the time or the desire to fit you into my life. I'm sorry, but I can't even try the whole friendship thing." Ouch. I really, really try not to be a harsh person. So what do I get for my trouble? He STILL won't go away!!!

I don't get it. I've noticed this in men and women over the years. Why is it, when people (and yes, Sheri, talking to yourself here!) treat you badly, flat out tell you to get lost, we still hang around? Aren't there ninety-bajillion people out there for us to get to know who might actually like our company? What's up with this?

Phone and Communication

I have an Env Touch. Let me tell ya - it's been the best phone I've ever had. The only problem, you have to stand on one foot, twist your tongue a certain way, and it MIGHT actually charge. Turns out, the port is loose. Not a big deal, right? They sent me a new phone. Whoo hoo, and stuff. But, now I'm out the text messages I've been saving when I need a pick-me-up. And, I have to re-download my songs. And, I got a new Micro SD card I've been dragging my feet about switching. So, I get everything tranferred to the new phone. Great. Took about 2 hours. (4g, people). And, I emailed all 100+ messages to myself to save on my 'puter. And, I got the new spiffy protective phone covers on there just right. Then, I discover that the card reader doesn't work. Do what? Really? So now they are sending me ANOTHER new phone, and I can start all over. The good thing, they're going to credit me the cost of the new downloads, as well as send me a pack of the screen protective things. Verizon may not have the iphone, but they've got the service part down pat, and I lurve them for it.

Here's what I realized today though. Text messages, while good for a quick fix, not so good for durability. I keep re-finding a letter Brad wrote me while in jail 10 years ago, asking me to be a bigger person and to forgive S. Each time I read it, I get something else out of it. So, are we shorting ourselves by not taking the time to actually read a letter? I laugh when I get a snail-letter from one of my parents, because it usually has something pretty heavy/thought provoking in it. But, I save each and every one, carry them with me for a while, read, re-read, ponder, and then put it in a safe place.

On another note, I have what J. calls an "ear worm", this song that's stuck in my head. I'm not going to over-analyze it, and just share the lyrics. I love it!

Call Me - Shinedown

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that's the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I'd be able to say
I merely visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend
I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind God knows I've tried

[Chorus]
Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it's over I don't wan't you to hurt
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that's the way it should be,
You know I've led my life like a gypsy
I've said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I've tried

[Chorus]

I'll always keep you inside,
you healed my Heart and my life...
And you know I try

Where'd I Go?

Yeah. My blog. I've thought about it.

The thing is, what's going on in my head, and my life, I don't know that I necessarily want the people closest to me to know. Isn't that crazy? I wouldn't mind writing and venting to perfect strangers, but I'm more afraid of being questioned/judged/pacified by those who I care about the most.

So, instead, let's go with fluff.

Our EMT team took 4th at State this year. Wow! Go us! I think it's pretty impressive. After Convention, I took this past week off. I didn't do anything, go anywhere, just had some downtime to think about what *I* want. Now I know, I have to figure out how to make it happen. Isn't that the hard part?

So, here goes. I'm going to work on getting things back in perspective, back on track, and back to blogging. I've missed you.