Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Too much thinking?

I have no idea when I post this, so forgive me.

First of all, PW finally posted a recipe I have no interest in: Gazpacho. YUCK! I've tried this, several versions, actually, and I do NOT like it. I do not like it Sam I Am. Ugh. I don't know why, but I really, really, really do not like it.

Have you figured out I don't like Gazpacho yet?

Ok, on another note. I'm listening to Josh Groban "Awake" right now. Have you ever been in that moment that you want it to last for absolutely forever? I have, two times that come to mind right now. Once, about a year or maybe longer ago, I caught up with a friend I used to know. I don't know what it was about the night, but I went to a party where he was. We sat out on the porch swing all evening, just, analyzing the universe, pondering the stars, the grass, the cricket that seemed to be drunk. And, about 4:45, when he told me that I was beautiful, I believed him. That's rare. I know I'm ok looking, but, I'm average. And that's ok. But for that one night, that one moment, I felt stunning. Beautiful. Above average. I knew when the sun would come up, the moment would be gone, and I'd not have that moment again. And, as I did the walk of shame up the sidewalk with birds chirping and the sun edging past daybreak, I was happy.

A month or so ago, I had another one of those moments. The night before my friend left, I realized how much I had missed having a friend who knew me, the real me. The me that had wandered down horrible fashion choice paths, who had seen me through my pressed-on nail phase, who had laughed at me, laughed with me, and held me through one of the most horrific events of my life. The friend that had seen me through so many firsts, the friend who gave me my first "relationship", and set the standard for the ones that followed. And, I fought tears. I thought about what color to paint my toes, I thought about the fact that my car should have the bug-b-gone wash in the reservoir, and I thought about organizing my junk drawer at work. It didn't work. I realized, at that exact time, that I would never have that exact moment again. It frightened me, it overwhelmed me, and, well, it felt like I was breaking. He left, and when he did, I felt like I did when DH left. My world tilted - I realized the balance had just been thrown off kilter, and that I wouldn't be able to go back to where I was 4 days ago.

It’s given me a lot to think about. If you could look into a crystal ball, and see your future, would it change the choices you make today? I was right about keeping a happy face, a positive attitude through everything . . . . life is better. Had I known a decade ago, I would have loved to have reassured the newly graduated Sheri that life doesn't turn out like you think it will. It's going to be better. You're going to be tested, you're going to learn things about yourself you never dreamed. You're going to hold a boy's hand while he calls home to give his mother devastating news. You'll fly in a helicopter. You'll travel halfway around the world. You'll have the best friends that your imagination can't possibly fathom.

You will love life.

What would you tell yourself 10 years ago? What would you like to be told 10 years from now?

The lyrics that prompted tonight's thoughts:
So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless
If I could stop the winds of change
If we just keep our eyes wide open
Then everything would stay the same